I've lost count,
On how long it's actually bin...
5 years...
Maybe 6...
I'm 18 now...
I think it just may be 7...
But does it matter?
How does one even want to keep track,
Of the endless pain caused in her life,
By one single source...
How could something that was once so sweet and beautiful,
End so ugly and messed up?
Why such juvenile acts had to be performed,
Why did it ever have to get that far...
To have to block you out my life,
To have you constantly lie to me,
As if i was some type of idiot.
You say I played you,
With what?
The truth?
Your so caught up in your lies,
That reality doesn't even exist to you...
Your lies have become your world,
And I'm tired of falling and getting lost in this world you made just to bring me down...
How can someone who once "cared,"
Willingly make someone they "love" sick,
Mentally and physically over and over again.
Make them so angry,
That they shake with hatred for you...
Make them feel so worthless,
That they have no purpose in this world.
Kept them down,
Just so you could hold onto them,
Take control of their lives,
And ruin everything they could've done or had,
Because it played into your little game.
Why make me as a fucking puppet in your show,
Expecting me never to be able to cut off the strings.
I'M NOT THAT 13 YEAR OLD SUICIDAL BITCH YOU USED TO KNOW,
Years later and I don't need you no more.
So you make me seem and feel crazy,
WHen I can handle myself,
Just so you had something to do.
Get the fuck out of the past.
That world doesn't exist anymore.
I've finished this chapter called ______________ (sensored cause i won't do the bull you did) in my life,
I've locked it and closed that section.
I'll think back and thank you for all you've done in my past,
But in the end,
Hate will always be a feeling I fight.
This unreligious girl prays for you,
That god has mercy on you.
That you one day you don't wake up empty,
Wishing you didn't play so many games with so many hearts.
That one day you can live with yourself after all you have done,
After all the trouble you've caused.
Its over its done,
The end and good bye...
Forever...
I'm Over you,
Heres your public notice.
By: Stefane Hurtault
Monday, October 26, 2009
The Real Me
You all see me,
You say you really know me,
But do you?
Do you know what I hide within,
Do you know the thoughts my mind visits...
Do you know that I'm only human,
And what you ask of me can't always be done?
I know I'm not perfect,
I'll admit to that,
But does anyone ever get credit for being what they aren't?
I don't wake up pretty,
It's a process.
And I don't always want to dress up,
If you can't take me at my worst, then why do you deserve me at my best?
I'm short tempered,
So what if I get angry...
You push me.
I'm moody like a cat,
I don't want you down my throat 24/7,
But it's nice to know your there.
I'm quiet,
Not the most talkative person in the world,
But when I say something at least it can make you smile...
I'm not the happiest person alive,
But who would want to be,
It just comes off as fake.
I know i'm taller then a lot of females,
Can't handle my height,
Then you can't handle me.
I know I have to work on my self confidence,
But does that mean you have to take me down with you,
Just because?
I know i can be a bitch,
So what if i come off hard,
Trust isn't just granted.
I know I'm mean,
I don't have to like you or be nice,
I only grant you the honor of seeing me that way.
I'm shy,
I know I won't start a conversation,
But if you step up to the plate,
You'll never regret it...
I'm a little crazy,
Who isn't?
Who wants sane everyday?
I know I can be rude,
If you saw that side of me,
Then frankly you deserve it.
Yes, I have feelings,
You may not see it,
But I hurt just like you.
Yes I cry,
Spent my half my life in tears,
So what if I'm covered in pain?
Yes, I'm spontaneous and random,
I've spent my whole life in a box,
I just want to be free...
So what if I'm a little weird,
Being normal is over rated,
And I love me as I am,
Shouldn't you?
After I've come to accept my flaws,
I'll admit them all,
But there will never be enough space.
Even after you've seen the good and the bad,
And seen through my mask,
Can you honestly say you can stick around.
Can you say you like me for who I am?
The real me,
Naked and exposed.
The real me,
Out in the open.
The real me,
Flesh and bone.
The real me...
By: Stefane A. Hurtault
You say you really know me,
But do you?
Do you know what I hide within,
Do you know the thoughts my mind visits...
Do you know that I'm only human,
And what you ask of me can't always be done?
I know I'm not perfect,
I'll admit to that,
But does anyone ever get credit for being what they aren't?
I don't wake up pretty,
It's a process.
And I don't always want to dress up,
If you can't take me at my worst, then why do you deserve me at my best?
I'm short tempered,
So what if I get angry...
You push me.
I'm moody like a cat,
I don't want you down my throat 24/7,
But it's nice to know your there.
I'm quiet,
Not the most talkative person in the world,
But when I say something at least it can make you smile...
I'm not the happiest person alive,
But who would want to be,
It just comes off as fake.
I know i'm taller then a lot of females,
Can't handle my height,
Then you can't handle me.
I know I have to work on my self confidence,
But does that mean you have to take me down with you,
Just because?
I know i can be a bitch,
So what if i come off hard,
Trust isn't just granted.
I know I'm mean,
I don't have to like you or be nice,
I only grant you the honor of seeing me that way.
I'm shy,
I know I won't start a conversation,
But if you step up to the plate,
You'll never regret it...
I'm a little crazy,
Who isn't?
Who wants sane everyday?
I know I can be rude,
If you saw that side of me,
Then frankly you deserve it.
Yes, I have feelings,
You may not see it,
But I hurt just like you.
Yes I cry,
Spent my half my life in tears,
So what if I'm covered in pain?
Yes, I'm spontaneous and random,
I've spent my whole life in a box,
I just want to be free...
So what if I'm a little weird,
Being normal is over rated,
And I love me as I am,
Shouldn't you?
After I've come to accept my flaws,
I'll admit them all,
But there will never be enough space.
Even after you've seen the good and the bad,
And seen through my mask,
Can you honestly say you can stick around.
Can you say you like me for who I am?
The real me,
Naked and exposed.
The real me,
Out in the open.
The real me,
Flesh and bone.
The real me...
By: Stefane A. Hurtault
Fictional NonFiction
I saw yo from a distance,
Connected by a text,
impersonal connection,
But still a strong link.
Days later I was in your room,
Watching tv?
Cuddling with you,
Talking,
Feeling,
Being,
Observing,
Your presence...
Sleep soon came,
Never bothered to wake me up,
Just let me sleep in your lap...
I heard something fall,
But it was only you getting up,
So i drifted again,
Far off to the unknown...
Then it happened,
A dream within a dream...
Pictures scrambling every where,
My mind running from the chaos,
Searching for stability,
Serenity...
No where found.
What was this?
What was going on?
Females,
Males,
Fights,
Pictures that linked and didn't link,
All jammed pack together in my mind like an advertisement pop up,
Only thing...
There was no exit button,
I was trapped,
Deserted in this world.
Confused.
To only start falling,
Pictures sweeping past me,
The last I saw was you...
Then I woke up,
You were there asking if I was alright...
Then I woke up,
And you weren't there....
Fiction...within non-fiction...
Weird...
By Stefane Hurtault
Connected by a text,
impersonal connection,
But still a strong link.
Days later I was in your room,
Watching tv?
Cuddling with you,
Talking,
Feeling,
Being,
Observing,
Your presence...
Sleep soon came,
Never bothered to wake me up,
Just let me sleep in your lap...
I heard something fall,
But it was only you getting up,
So i drifted again,
Far off to the unknown...
Then it happened,
A dream within a dream...
Pictures scrambling every where,
My mind running from the chaos,
Searching for stability,
Serenity...
No where found.
What was this?
What was going on?
Females,
Males,
Fights,
Pictures that linked and didn't link,
All jammed pack together in my mind like an advertisement pop up,
Only thing...
There was no exit button,
I was trapped,
Deserted in this world.
Confused.
To only start falling,
Pictures sweeping past me,
The last I saw was you...
Then I woke up,
You were there asking if I was alright...
Then I woke up,
And you weren't there....
Fiction...within non-fiction...
Weird...
By Stefane Hurtault
You...
The day I first saw you,
I watched you from a distance.
Wondering who you were,
While your face was so familiar.
The distance soon came closer,
As we came face to face.
Realized I already knew your name.
It's crazy how the world is so small,
All connected by a vast net.
Yet so big,
You were like a dream to me.
What started out as innocent friendship,
Some how changed into a playful game.
Courtship almost,
But still far from the same.
As we moved closer,
Our bodies moving to the beat.
It's almost as if we were connected,
Vibing with only 2 feet.
I got cold shivers the closer we got,
Intensified moments never have i forgot.
Replays in my mind,
Like a slam dunk in 2k9.
Amazing you seemed,
as if only for me.
As moments grew nearer,
And time moved faster,
We got lost in this beautiful disaster.
As you held me,
And I held you too,
It was like a jigsaw puzzle,
Pieces put 2 on 2.
I felt you near me,
And it felt so good,
I fall deep in my soul,
Just at a single remembrance of you.
A kiss so sweet,
So gentle at that,
Happened in an instance,
No warning to that fact.
A glimps of what was hiding beneath,
A monster waiting to break through,
But I was rationed,
A tease to make me see.
I sit here and think,
Of all that's happened,
All that comes to play,
But I feel like a soldier in some sick war game.
What to do,
What to think,
How should I even feel,
When I'm around you.
I can't even speak,
the only words to come through,
Forever stuck in my head,
Is you...
By: Stefane Hurtault
I watched you from a distance.
Wondering who you were,
While your face was so familiar.
The distance soon came closer,
As we came face to face.
Realized I already knew your name.
It's crazy how the world is so small,
All connected by a vast net.
Yet so big,
You were like a dream to me.
What started out as innocent friendship,
Some how changed into a playful game.
Courtship almost,
But still far from the same.
As we moved closer,
Our bodies moving to the beat.
It's almost as if we were connected,
Vibing with only 2 feet.
I got cold shivers the closer we got,
Intensified moments never have i forgot.
Replays in my mind,
Like a slam dunk in 2k9.
Amazing you seemed,
as if only for me.
As moments grew nearer,
And time moved faster,
We got lost in this beautiful disaster.
As you held me,
And I held you too,
It was like a jigsaw puzzle,
Pieces put 2 on 2.
I felt you near me,
And it felt so good,
I fall deep in my soul,
Just at a single remembrance of you.
A kiss so sweet,
So gentle at that,
Happened in an instance,
No warning to that fact.
A glimps of what was hiding beneath,
A monster waiting to break through,
But I was rationed,
A tease to make me see.
I sit here and think,
Of all that's happened,
All that comes to play,
But I feel like a soldier in some sick war game.
What to do,
What to think,
How should I even feel,
When I'm around you.
I can't even speak,
the only words to come through,
Forever stuck in my head,
Is you...
By: Stefane Hurtault
Reality...Dreams...Nightmare...
Reality...
Something that depresses me greatly...
I want to live in the clouds,
I want to dance in my dreams,
Where everything is always a grand ball,
And my dress is always the prettiest...
To always be awaken,
To what is known as reality...
Destruction...
Violence...
Cruelties in every known way possible.
Why would I want to come back to this?
Why would anyone want to live in this world,
Of endless chaos that can turn even the brightest smile to a frown...
How can you help but feel sad thoughts?
or to stand on your own,
By yourself,
Because you were knocked down,
By those so called "friends".
To feel like there's no hope left,
Because you stare silently in the dark,
With your past hope,
A tiny dot lost in space...
To be sad,
Because "happiness" is the key,
That got lost,
And this door is locked with you left on the outside of this spectrum.
To think of you,
The guy of my dreams,
Far off in the distance,
Killed by the flames of the pain in my heart...
To hate,
Because everything around you,
Is despicable,
And you can't stand the thought of it.
To feel as if no one understands,
Because you yourself don't know,
You can't comprehend,
The wild things in you head.
But what's left for you to do?
When you've tried to open every door?
Only to find that they are sealed shut.
When you've tried to see past the pain,
But your eyes have been blinded by your streaming tears.
When you've tried to find a friend,
But you've been stopped in you conquest of enemies.
When you try to find shelter from this storm of anger and grief,
But you were sucked into this black hole...
How do you over come it all?
How can you prevail?
When reality it's self,
Is a the nightmare you fear...
The reason you can't wake up.
Where an endless sleep seems so far off...
When you wish it was closer then near...
Reality...
It's here...
By: Stefane Hurtault
B.R.O.K.E.N
Something that depresses me greatly...
I want to live in the clouds,
I want to dance in my dreams,
Where everything is always a grand ball,
And my dress is always the prettiest...
To always be awaken,
To what is known as reality...
Destruction...
Violence...
Cruelties in every known way possible.
Why would I want to come back to this?
Why would anyone want to live in this world,
Of endless chaos that can turn even the brightest smile to a frown...
How can you help but feel sad thoughts?
or to stand on your own,
By yourself,
Because you were knocked down,
By those so called "friends".
To feel like there's no hope left,
Because you stare silently in the dark,
With your past hope,
A tiny dot lost in space...
To be sad,
Because "happiness" is the key,
That got lost,
And this door is locked with you left on the outside of this spectrum.
To think of you,
The guy of my dreams,
Far off in the distance,
Killed by the flames of the pain in my heart...
To hate,
Because everything around you,
Is despicable,
And you can't stand the thought of it.
To feel as if no one understands,
Because you yourself don't know,
You can't comprehend,
The wild things in you head.
But what's left for you to do?
When you've tried to open every door?
Only to find that they are sealed shut.
When you've tried to see past the pain,
But your eyes have been blinded by your streaming tears.
When you've tried to find a friend,
But you've been stopped in you conquest of enemies.
When you try to find shelter from this storm of anger and grief,
But you were sucked into this black hole...
How do you over come it all?
How can you prevail?
When reality it's self,
Is a the nightmare you fear...
The reason you can't wake up.
Where an endless sleep seems so far off...
When you wish it was closer then near...
Reality...
It's here...
By: Stefane Hurtault
B.R.O.K.E.N
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Dead Inside
Here I am,
In the midst of my troubles,
Gathered here,
By my greatest fears.
My mind in shambles,
Not knowing what to do.
I'm Going crazy,
At the mere thought of you.
Is this how things should end,
Is this the last chapter?
How can I leave,
In the end feeling nothing but lonely.
I loved you,
Well I still do...
With all my heart,
But yet I'm left here confused.
I don't understand it,
Not even one lick of it.
But here I am,
I'm sitting in it.
For gods sake,
I'm living it...
I can't take it no more,
These feelings that I have.
They are driving me up the wall,
With no one but myself to blame.
Have I held on for too long,
Is this a lost cause.
Or is this an old court case,
Waiting to be resumed...
Can a person love more the one person,
Is that even humanly possible??
Shouldn't somone want to love one,
With all their might??
Why are there so many questions?
Why do we live this lie??
Why do people keep taunting us,
With past solutions that do nothing but hide??
How am I supposed to deal with this,
And still keep my sanity.
And you all wonder why I've gone mad,
Well it's all written here for you.
I'm screaming on the inside,
Crying on my exterior,
Yet you people do nothing,
But make my life a living hell.
You don't see my pain,
Or my greatest fears.
You don't see what I hide from,
Or hurts me deep within
What the hell is wrong with you,
Bigger question...
What the hell is wrong with me??
Why constantly make me miserable,
When you have your lives to fullfill.
Life passes you by,
When you sit there anticipating it.
Maybe I've anticipated too much,
Maybe I need to sit back and let life take me.
Maybe I shouldn't hold on,
Maybe I should let go...
For holding on is all that kills me.
My soul has been poored out,
And written on this paper.
My tears don't fall,
The crash in puddles.
My stomach is turned,
My head is frantic.
I can no longer see,
cause my eyes are clouded.
I'm so emotional,
I just don't know what to do.
But this is my life...
Poured out to you.
I hope my fans are happy.
I hope now you'll finally leave me be.
For my life is not yours to live,
Go find you bloody own.
I'm officially broken,
You all have given me enough blows.
Now leave me here to die inside,
In peace with out any more unwanted tolls...
~peace~
Stefane A. Hurtault
In the midst of my troubles,
Gathered here,
By my greatest fears.
My mind in shambles,
Not knowing what to do.
I'm Going crazy,
At the mere thought of you.
Is this how things should end,
Is this the last chapter?
How can I leave,
In the end feeling nothing but lonely.
I loved you,
Well I still do...
With all my heart,
But yet I'm left here confused.
I don't understand it,
Not even one lick of it.
But here I am,
I'm sitting in it.
For gods sake,
I'm living it...
I can't take it no more,
These feelings that I have.
They are driving me up the wall,
With no one but myself to blame.
Have I held on for too long,
Is this a lost cause.
Or is this an old court case,
Waiting to be resumed...
Can a person love more the one person,
Is that even humanly possible??
Shouldn't somone want to love one,
With all their might??
Why are there so many questions?
Why do we live this lie??
Why do people keep taunting us,
With past solutions that do nothing but hide??
How am I supposed to deal with this,
And still keep my sanity.
And you all wonder why I've gone mad,
Well it's all written here for you.
I'm screaming on the inside,
Crying on my exterior,
Yet you people do nothing,
But make my life a living hell.
You don't see my pain,
Or my greatest fears.
You don't see what I hide from,
Or hurts me deep within
What the hell is wrong with you,
Bigger question...
What the hell is wrong with me??
Why constantly make me miserable,
When you have your lives to fullfill.
Life passes you by,
When you sit there anticipating it.
Maybe I've anticipated too much,
Maybe I need to sit back and let life take me.
Maybe I shouldn't hold on,
Maybe I should let go...
For holding on is all that kills me.
My soul has been poored out,
And written on this paper.
My tears don't fall,
The crash in puddles.
My stomach is turned,
My head is frantic.
I can no longer see,
cause my eyes are clouded.
I'm so emotional,
I just don't know what to do.
But this is my life...
Poured out to you.
I hope my fans are happy.
I hope now you'll finally leave me be.
For my life is not yours to live,
Go find you bloody own.
I'm officially broken,
You all have given me enough blows.
Now leave me here to die inside,
In peace with out any more unwanted tolls...
~peace~
Stefane A. Hurtault
Monday, July 6, 2009
Drunk in Your Name
Sedduxion Ft. RO...*R.O.D.ProductionZ* meets *PBI*
Fucking bastard...
Chorus:
Drunk in your name
Can't feel this sorrow no more
I fill my cup in your name
My pleasant disgrace
I lay ashamed in your name
Filled with betray
Cause I'm drunk in your name
I've fallen from grace
Verse 1:
I can't believe after all you put me through
I'm still in love with you
I forgave you like a fool
And danced this song for you
It's so sick how I'm still in love with you
Desperately seeking guidance
I don't know what to do
I've fallen for your lies
But in the end you were the fool
Slipped on your game
And I was onto you
But I raise my cup
And give props to you
Cause in the end
You got away with it too
You made my worst dreams come true
You made it a nightmare for two
Chorus:
Drunk in your name
Can't feel this sorrow no more
I fill my cup in your name
My pleasant disgrace
I lay ashamed in your name
Filled with betray
Cause I'm drunk in your name
I've fallen from grace
Verse 2:
After all you put me through
I'm stupid to still want to be with you
A love long gone
A passion lost in the past
And I can't plead
for you to love me
In pain seeking a cure
But a broken heart just can't be cured
I lay here in pieces
My cup shattered to the floor
Dead and gone
The only way I feel Secure
My poison's set me free
Chorus:
Drunk in your name
Can't feel this sorrow no more
I fill my cup in your name
My pleasant disgrace
I lay ashamed in your name
Filled with betray
Cause I'm drunk in your name
I've fallen from grace
Verse 3:
tipsy from the naggin cant take another sip though,
tryna get me buzzed by the way u make this shit go,
way out of proportion,
lets make some assertions,
u go here i go there and we live by our lonesome,
cuz this drink got me dazing,
and u got me hazing,
without you im misplaced,
but i cant feel my face,
im soo drunk in your name,
and fallen from grace,
i throw u out of my cup
i cant stand de taste of
your bitterness
although ur my world u are my sickerness
so im leavin for a life bickerless
these fight are just killing us'
there just tearing us apart
so this is where a new life start
i take 3 shots as a goodbye
one for the love and the lies
two for the fun and the cries
three for the rest of our life
shit didn't work but we tried (I Love You)
Chorus:
Drunk in your name
Can't feel this sorrow no more
I fill my cup in your name
My pleasant disgrace
I lay ashamed in your name
Filled with betray
Cause I'm drunk in your name
I've fallen from grace
yea...
Drunk in your name...
Ohh yea....
Man this feels so good *giggle*...
© ROD Productionz Singer Song-Writer::Sedduxion::
Fucking bastard...
Chorus:
Drunk in your name
Can't feel this sorrow no more
I fill my cup in your name
My pleasant disgrace
I lay ashamed in your name
Filled with betray
Cause I'm drunk in your name
I've fallen from grace
Verse 1:
I can't believe after all you put me through
I'm still in love with you
I forgave you like a fool
And danced this song for you
It's so sick how I'm still in love with you
Desperately seeking guidance
I don't know what to do
I've fallen for your lies
But in the end you were the fool
Slipped on your game
And I was onto you
But I raise my cup
And give props to you
Cause in the end
You got away with it too
You made my worst dreams come true
You made it a nightmare for two
Chorus:
Drunk in your name
Can't feel this sorrow no more
I fill my cup in your name
My pleasant disgrace
I lay ashamed in your name
Filled with betray
Cause I'm drunk in your name
I've fallen from grace
Verse 2:
After all you put me through
I'm stupid to still want to be with you
A love long gone
A passion lost in the past
And I can't plead
for you to love me
In pain seeking a cure
But a broken heart just can't be cured
I lay here in pieces
My cup shattered to the floor
Dead and gone
The only way I feel Secure
My poison's set me free
Chorus:
Drunk in your name
Can't feel this sorrow no more
I fill my cup in your name
My pleasant disgrace
I lay ashamed in your name
Filled with betray
Cause I'm drunk in your name
I've fallen from grace
Verse 3:
tipsy from the naggin cant take another sip though,
tryna get me buzzed by the way u make this shit go,
way out of proportion,
lets make some assertions,
u go here i go there and we live by our lonesome,
cuz this drink got me dazing,
and u got me hazing,
without you im misplaced,
but i cant feel my face,
im soo drunk in your name,
and fallen from grace,
i throw u out of my cup
i cant stand de taste of
your bitterness
although ur my world u are my sickerness
so im leavin for a life bickerless
these fight are just killing us'
there just tearing us apart
so this is where a new life start
i take 3 shots as a goodbye
one for the love and the lies
two for the fun and the cries
three for the rest of our life
shit didn't work but we tried (I Love You)
Chorus:
Drunk in your name
Can't feel this sorrow no more
I fill my cup in your name
My pleasant disgrace
I lay ashamed in your name
Filled with betray
Cause I'm drunk in your name
I've fallen from grace
yea...
Drunk in your name...
Ohh yea....
Man this feels so good *giggle*...
© ROD Productionz Singer Song-Writer::Sedduxion::
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